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7 Ways To Stop Dieting Forever

July 21, 2015
If there's one thing I like to do, it's eat. But I hate to diet. I don't think I ever have, actually.

If there’s one thing I like to do, it’s eat. But I hate to diet. I don’t think I ever have, actually.

I spend all day working with men and women to become as strong as healthy as they can be. If there’s any one thing I can say that’s messing us all up, it’s how we think about food. It’s not just food itself, but the incredible drama, dogma and shame that we have about food.

Enough!

So let’s make this simple. NO MORE DIETS, ever. Got it?

A diet (unless you’re dealing with a medical condition) is a set of rules that someone else made up, based on generalities, myths and averages, that you have to follow and you will feel bad if you mess up, which will probably feed whatever food-related shame issues you’ve already got. (And we’ve all got them.) It’s not even a lifestyle. That sounds like something that requires a uniform and a special language and a handshake so that you know who else is in “the lifestyle,” and that’s creepy. Read more…

I Assume This Is All There Is

July 11, 2015
Us. While we can be.

Us. While we can be.

This, right here, this moment, I assume that this is all there is. This is as good as it gets. I am in my footie jammies, the ones with the gnomes riding on flamingos. They smell odd, I’m not sure what of. Though I do know that I just poured and entire – and very hot – cup of coffee in the bed with me. Narrowly missing my computer which is good, but meaning that I have to wash all the bedding today, which is approximately my least favorite thing to do. So maybe I won’t. The curtains are still drawn and it is grey out, for which I am grateful. It has been entirely too sunny in Seattle lately, and this is a fact, not something that is up for discussion.

This is as good as it gets. This is all there is. Read more…

Maybe There’s No Such Thing As CrossFit

July 9, 2015
Yoga? Pilates? CrossFit? Or just our own mix of things we believe in? Hard to tell.

Yoga? Pilates? CrossFit? Or just our own mix of things we believe in? Hard to tell.

I get asked, all the time, “What is CrossFit.” I’ve started giving a really simple answer: Nothing.

It’s a word. (A trademarked word, specifically.) It’s a brand. (But a brand without clear definition.) It’s a way of doing things. (But not one way, more like a lot of ways, that are kind of similar, but not really.) It’s a concept. (Well, not really, because it changes so much from person to person.) It’s a group of people who share similar values that are organized and led by a guy named Greg. (Oh, hell no. Fuck no.)

There is not a single move done in a CrossFit gym that CrossFit invented. And CrossFit doesn’t tell us how to design and create workouts. (I have never looked at the CrossFit main site for a workout, and I never will.) Read more…

So, Russell Wilson and Ciara Aren’t Having Sex…

July 8, 2015
This is a Ciara album cover. It really has nothing to do with anything. I'm just hoping that using it is fair use....

This is a Ciara album cover. It really has nothing to do with anything. I’m just hoping that using it is fair use….

Okay, so, Russell Wilson isn’t having sex with his girlfriend, who happens to be Ciara. As unlikely as that seems to me, I can absolutely applaud that. I am 100% down with not having sex if you don’t want to. Maybe 1,000,000,000% down with that. If it’s because YOU don’t want to.

But if it’s because “god” told you to, I’m gonna raise an eyebrow. And if you think you need to lead ANYONE else to do it your way – as opposed to two people on the same path finding each other – then I’m gonna raise a finger to my raised eyebrow and say, “now hold up a minute.”

“Someone else told me to” is NOT a reason to do, or not do, anything sexual. We call that coercion. Even if you believe that someone was “god.” (Spoiler alert, it wasn’t.) And if you think that you need to convince someone else to do it your way, because “god” told you to, well….. That line of thinking has proverbially screwed us all, hard. Read more…

Helping Your Kids Find Fitness, For FUN

July 5, 2015
Celia Huddart Snatch USAWNYC

Celia Huddart, winning a silver medal for Snatch at USA Weightlifting Youth Nationals.

My husband and I own a gym. Our daughter, Celia, has been hanging out there for years. Sometimes she worked out, sometimes she didn’t. But she was around it, watching all sorts of people work hard, in all sorts of ways. We never pushed it one way or another. If anything, I  tried to steer her away from taking fitness too seriously, what with the constant messaging to teenage girls that they should be slim and sexy and….  We just let her hang out there. When she felt like giving it a shot, we simply let her.

Last weekend, she won a Silver Medal at the USA Weightlifting Youth Nationals. I was the last person who expected that, and I sure as hell didn’t push for it.

For years now, parents have been asking me how to get their kids into sports. How to push them towards sports. How to help them be successful at sports.

And I always tell them the same thing: you don’t. Read more…

My Daughter and I at 16…

June 26, 2015
The looks I got when I let her put rainbow stripes in her hair.... But, why not?

The looks I got when I let her, at age 8, put rainbow stripes in her hair…. But, why not?

The summer between my junior and senior year in high school, I was 16 years-old, 2,000 miles from my home in Seattle, and had just discovered both cocaine and the joys of sex. Which, even at that young age, I knew went very well together.

And which will sound odd when I swear to you, up and down and all kind of sideways, that I was a good kid. I was smart and kind and talented and all those things that people tell you about a kid before divulging something seemingly awful, like that they spent the summer doing cocaine and a British boy they met in a bar.

I was terribly unhappy, frightened, angry and desperately in need of change, but I was a good kid. (Like most of the kids you see who are also all of those things, and also a mystery to you.) I was flunking out of school, entirely by choice. My teachers kept telling me how smart I was. I kept telling them to fuck off. Read more…

Real People With Real Bodies

May 27, 2015

Screen Shot 2015-05-27 at 1.55.48 PMI remember when that video of a model being made-up and airbrushed into perfection first made the scene. It opens with a perfectly “normal” looking woman who is then tended to by an army of workers, as if she were a Queen and they were her worker bees, until she looked ALMOST like a model. Then, after all the make up and hair styling, the perfect lights and lenses and soft focus, an artist Photoshopped her images until, sure enough, she looked like every model we see in the pages of every magazine.

That is not real. That is art. Read more…

Stop Swallowing The Snake-Oil: Calling con artists on their crap

April 25, 2015

snakeoilIt’s been a rough couple of weeks for the credibility of the Internet. FoodBabe – who peddles fear by using scary words and a total misunderstanding of science – got ripped to shreds by ScienceBabe – who is awesome with her ninja-like dicing of bullshit using sharpened blades of fact. Belle Gibson,  who built an empire on a completely fabricated story about beating brain cancer with natural food instead of medicine, admitted that it was all a lie. And, of course, Dr. Oz is sitting on the hot seat, when his congressional hearing for pushing unproven remedies was followed up by a letter demanding he be removed from the Columbia University School of Medicine.

I mean, if you can’t believe pretty girls and TV stars, who can you believe? Read more…

No, I Won’t Write For Free Anymore. (And I’m sorry I did for so long.)

April 24, 2015

In the last few years I have scrambled to earn the right to call myself “a writer.” But that’s all I earned. My work has been on hugely high-profile sites, it has gone viral, I can rightly lay claim to “breaking the Internet” a time or two. I’ve had bylines and editorial titles, and written things that others were afraid to write. I have poured my heart and my soul into it. I believe, from the bottom of my heart, that my writing has made the world a better place, in some way.

I have flippantly – but with true humble pride – told people that I am paid in thank-you notes. I save many of them. The people who tell me that I saved their life. That they have hope that they’ll recover after rape. That they no longer think they’re terrible parents (or feel they have to be scarred by their own terrible parents.) That they finally had the courage to divorce, find love, find health, become who they want to be. Because of my writing. Because of me. Read more…

Embracing Aging With A Big Wet Kiss

April 15, 2015
Helen and Debra from Advanced Style. These ladies sum up everything that I think matters about aging, and I doubt they wake up thinking "if only I didn't have that wrinkle." www.advancedstyle.blogspot.com

Helen and Debra from Advanced Style. These ladies sum up everything that I think matters about aging, and I doubt they wake up thinking “if only I didn’t have that wrinkle.”

I spend every day in a gym with people, trying to get them out of their heads and into their bodies. Over the last several years, I’ve come to trust that there is a handful of questions – or misguided statements – that I will get asked every day. EVERY. DAMNED. DAY.

“Will I get bulky?”  “I don’t know if I can do that.”  “Will I lose weight?”And, of course, “I just want to be able to do the things I could do when I was younger.”

Ummmmm, sorry. Reversing time: It’s not a thing.

We are a culture obsessed with youth. We’re obsessed with smooth and tight and skinny and bright and… We’re obsessed with things that don’t exist. Santa. The Easter Bunny. Boobs that point to the sun from any position. We need to switch our focus, to an obsession with wisdom, joy and embarrassing our children with tales of the raucous (and occasionally raunchy) stories of our youth as a way to remind them to go out and live a little. You live once. The goal is to collect as many stories as you can, until the day you die.

Look, I cannot help you go back in time. What I can help you do is completely rock the age that you are. I can help you live your life longer, and filled with strength, power and joy.

So, I have good news and bad news: Read more…

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