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Let’s Talk About Sex

February 6, 2010

This is my Editor’s Note from the February issue of JUST CAUSE Magazine.   In honor of Valentine’s Day, this is THE SEX ISSUE – one I’ve been waiting to do for ages.

I love talking about sex. This may be partly due to the fact that I love pushing people’s boundaries. (I also pick scabs and slow down to look at car-wrecks, I just like the “grit” in life, I guess.) But it’s also because I can’t think of anything that is more universal than sex. Really, most of us do it. Even more of us think about it.

But more than that, sex impacts pretty much everything we do, one way or another. And it is the only human activity I can think of that inspires political wars, religious wars and fringe elements to dedicate their lives to the promotion / abolition / containment / of it. When’s the last time a political war was waged over teaching kids to write with their left-hand rather than their right? Or to stop people from playing tennis with people of the same sex?

Nothing gets our knickers in a twist quicker than sex. And frankly, it’s time to get over it.

My own history with sex and sexuality is interesting – to me, anyway. I was raised, as I’ve often said, by very progressive, over-educated, intellectual and artistic people. I was raised to be very comfortable with my body, and other’s bodies. My father is gay, and that was hard for me to navigate 25 years ago when there was no Will & Grace to make that okay. I was pregnant at 16. I was violently raped at 17.  And of course have stumbled through my adult life trying to figure out what I really want and need sexually.

At 40, I am wildly committed to creating an environment in which people feel safe discussing all of these issues, and more.

Why? I think it matters. I think that sex is everywhere, and it is confusing as hell. Our sexuality is deep in the core of our being, and when our cores are not aligned with our lives, and with society at large, it causes problems. We judge each other, we judge ourselves, we fight with ourselves and each other. When we feel judged, or at risk, we are not able to focus on the more important things like learning and growing and creating a better world. The only way to accomplish this is understand the diversity. And the only way to understand the diversity is to get it out in the open. To talk about it.

There is no right way to love. There is no right way to have sex. Everyone does it, and everyone does it differently. And how I do it, or you do it, really isn’t anyone’s business. And it certainly doesn’t make me, or you, less of a person, or our contributions to society any less valuable.

There are wrong ways to love and have sex, and we need to talk about those too. In order to stop things like rape, disease and sexual slavery, we need to talk about it. So we will.

If we do this right, we’ll convince all of you that you should be having more sex, better sex, more often, the way you actually like it. And that you should help put an end to shame, abuse, fear, and sexual violence.

That’s a JUST CAUSE for sure.  (Now, let’s get busy.)

You can – and should – read the whole issue online. Of course, you also can and should subscribe for free, and tell everyone you know to do the same. Thanks. Now, go out there and create love!

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